Sunday Spark!!!! ~featuring~ Pamela Sheppard

Happy Sunday!  Today Mrs. Sheppard gives us some heavenly words to get us inspired and spiritually sound for the week ahead.  Pam has not only become my right hand at work but a dear friend outside of work.  So I am truly happy that I can now share her resounding wisdom and spirit with all of you.

 As humans we go through many challenging situations in our life and we do not understand why,we sometimes try to find the answers for ourselves and many times we fail. Then comes the stress.

HEAR YE! HEAR YE!

The word of God says:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not to your understanding; in all your ways(everything you do) acknowledge Him(God) and He(God) shall(will) direct you path. PROVERBS 3:5-6

Woman of God

Pamela Sheppard is a Site Coordinator at Rutgers University and is in the processs of obtaining a BSW. 

Work it Out ~featuring~ Jennifer Edwards, MD

Hello Readers.  Hope everyone enjoyed their holiday!  We are back in full swing. Today we have Dr. Edwards who retouches on the issues of stress but reminds us that it is not only an Adult issue.  For those of us who work in education or those of you who are moms, aunts, big sisters, or even dad's and big brothers (shout out to all of the Sir's who follow along), we have to remember the impact we have not only on each other but on those who look up to us. 

Spiritual and Emotional Well Being for All

We live in a high paced non stop world. Many people are running from the time they get up till the time they lay their head down. Stress is the norm not the exception. In this hurricane we call life many keep going till they burn out or break down. Expectations run high and the demands on our time and our gifts may exceed what is humanly possible to accomplish in any given day. So we have a world filled with people trying to be super heroes that beat up on themselves when they fall short or collapse under the load. This in turn can lead to depession, anxiety, feelings of inadequacy and poor self esteem. Eventually some stop trying not realizing their feats were amazing all along for the human that we all are...

This story is not jut one that applies to the adult but unfortunately is the norm for our children today. The bar has been raised so high by some unknown "THEY" that our children feel penalized or small for just being amazingly a child! This translates to children as young as six or seven talking about being stupid when they cant do things that the average child that age is developmentally not expected to do. We have children already giving up and seeing themselves as failures and they haven't even gotten out of elementary school! When we have children that have barely lived a life time talking about feeling bad or so sad that they dont want to be here anymore! Then we have to say STOP!!!!!

It is said it takes a village to raise a child... WHERE ARE THE VILLAGERS!!! Our children are in crisis now!! We see high rates of psychiatric issues, high rates of drug and alcohol use, high rates of suicide, high rates of assaultive and dangerous behaviors, and high rates of court or police involvement. People complain of the lack of respect and " I dont care attitude " of today's youth. We have to move from a world that is based on me and think in terms of we and us. If the adults of our world dont stop and take stock of themselves and I dont mean the material but their spiritual and emotional well being then we doom our children to be even more damaged than the generations before them. We have to think about the messages we are giving to our children and instead of hiding behind the old catch phrase of do what I say and not what I do!!, truely begin to be role models for all of our children. To not just expect them to do what's right but to be accountable ourselves. To marvel at the wonders that exist in every child so they are not afraid to work on the things that arent and can still feel good about themselves. To truely listen to their voices even if you dont agree and thereby acknowledge their worth. To be brave enough to seek out help for your own issues so that our children can go for help without feeling a failure.

You see in the end not only does the village raise the child but it maintains the village and allows it to thrive!

Jennifer Edwards, MD is a child and adolescent psychiatrist.  She has a private practice in Middletown, New Jersey and is a staff psychiatrist for the children's program of a community outpatient Behavioral Health facility.  To contact Dr. Edwards for more information or to inquire about availability for talks or lectures please e-mail her at  JenniferEdwardsMD@gmail.com

Sunday Spark!!!! featuring~ Angela Ramsey

For a little dose of inspiration to get the week started, D.I.V.A. Rules, presents a young lady very humble and grounded in her own, and have the pleasure of interacting with at work. As you read the following, please allow for the message this Sunday to resonate not only with your intellect, but with your soul.

"Be Still, and know that I am God...Psalm 46:10"

As I have grown in my Christian walk God often has to take me "back to basics” to understand His awesome Power! The basics is the first intimate moment you had with God when you realized His amazing love, grace and mercy. For the last two months, I have wondered why I suffered from heat exhaustion, bronchitis, and other cold like symptoms. If you know me I am a hyper person, I love to be on the go, moving and shaking stuff up in Jesus's name. Getting sick is the worst for me. I feel slow and dependent on others to take care me. But, when I am sick I get the best rest, and often feel closer to God in these moments. God, reminded me that often He has to get me sick to slow me down and hear His voice.
I get consumed by being a ministry leader, family therapist that I forget to spend that intimate time with Him that I so desperate need to function in this life: “God, let me know so you can know my presence”. How often do we allow ourselves to get boggle down with life's constant demands that we forget to commune with our Lord Jesus Christ? When I went on vacation a week later after my bronchitis, it was easy to slip into intimate time with the Lord. I would pray and felt the Holy Spirit every time. I made a time every morning and evening to spend with my Holy Father. But when God got me home last Sunday He showed me that this is what He wants everyday not just on vacation. And sometimes we need vacations from our lives, to get close to God and get "Back to the Basics".
Sometimes God wants you to leave your normal routine of "this is the way we go church, or go to work, or pray"; but to invite the Holy Spirit into everything you do; and seek His presence in different ways. I pray that all who read this are filled with the Holy Spirit and that your relationship with Christ is so different than you had before. This a season of refreshment and renewing allow the Lord to take you back to that special place where it is just you and Him reigniting the flame He placed for you.


Angela Ramsey, MS,MFT is a children's ministry leader for In the Light Ministries in Philadelphia. She is currently a Family Systems Specialist for a Elementary School Youth Based Services Program for the Camden Public School System. To contact for family or christian counseling services please email her at ramseya79@gmail.com.

SIRve It Up ~featuring~ Brian Wilson of Tonkyman Productions LLC

Today’s guest SIR, Brian, happens to be a close friend and someone on the rise. Let’s just hope he remembers all the “little people” when he starts bringing in the big checks. Lol.

I was truly honored when Jade and Denisha asked me to be a part of this site. I was then forced to think about what I should write about that would interest their dedicated readers. So I went back and forth with Jade looking for help about a topic. However, it seems the theme this week reigned in on being true to oneself and just following your inner spirit so I have decided to write about something that is truly important to me, so I hope that everyone will be able to relate.

Sometimes it takes a force beyond our own to bring out our true being, to guide us in a path seldom taken. For me, that “other” has been having a mentor. By definition, a Mentor is a wise and trusted counselor or teacher, an influential senior sponsor or supporter. Whether young or old, man or O.D., the influence of a Mentor can last a lifetime.

We all get to a point in our lives where we ask ourselves, “What’s next? Fortunately, there are individuals, more experienced at that; who have once asked themselves that very same question, and have been able to answer that with SUCCESS. Of course there’s no book at the library, or a magical document that serves as the Blueprint for success. But it’s not always necessary to reinvent the wheel. In any industry or facet of life, there is someone, someone who has overcome odds stacked against them and one who is willing to lend a helping hand so that those after them can follow a path proven.

I have multiple mentors, technically you can have as many as you want, because….well simply put….we don’t know everything about anything. I have a mentor for my music, a mentor for my job, a mentor in my friendships and relationships…and most importantly a mentor in my Father. See ladies.…the path to success and a wholesome lifestyle does not need to be traveled alone….Matter of fact..I would advise you not to do so. It’s crucial for us, especially young minorities, to leverage our personal and professional relationships. All it takes..is a question…a goal…and a vision. I encourage you to seek help, but even more important, to serve as a mentor for others. Don’t let our younger generation fall through the cracks. Remember not so long ago…you were once in their shoes! Remember, “The unselfish effort to bring cheer to others will be the beginning of a happier life for ourselves.”- Helen Keller

Brian Wilson is a graduate of Rutgers University, BS Marketing, 2008. He is a Program Analyst for the Department of Defense and the CEO/Co-Founder of Tonkyman Productions. For more information, please visit him at http://dnb85.com and http://www.linkedin.com/in/brianadrian85 He can be contacted at brianw0224@gmail.com.

Fierce Fridays!!!!!! ~featuring ~ Stephanie Weaver-Rogers, O.D.

Happy Friday D.I.V.A's.  If any of you had a week like mine, this long weekend is right on time.  TGIF for real!!!  To continue in this exciting spirit, today I have the opportunity to introduce our first oD (original D.I.V.A), Ms. Stephanie Weaver-Rogers. I have the pleasure of working alongside this woman everyday and she has truly been an amazing co-worker, friend, and confidant.  So without further adieu, sit back and revel in the wisdom that is she.  

For all of you aspiring D.I.V.A.S there are some rules and past lessons that we Original D.I.V.A.S. want to pass on to assist on your journey to DIVAdom!!!

Most important and arguably the hardest task you will face will prove to be a life long struggle. Through our entire life especially as we grow and try to determine who we are and what we want out of life, we are constantly trying to prove something to ourselves and someone else. As children we want to please our parents, family, teachers and everyone that we hold dear and in high regard. In trying to do these things we have a tendency to try and be what they want us to be and lose sight of who we are and want to be. To be a true D.I.V.A. you must above all else, Be True to Yourself

Being True to Yourself, means being true to your own thoughts, feelings and beliefs. Just like you cannot love anyone until you love yourself, you cannot be true to anyone until you are true to yourself. Be who you are, accept yourself; love yourself as you really are, and not as others think you should be.

When you do things that are not in accordance with who you are, it comes across as fake, you are not happy and those around you know that you are not being who you really are, true D.I.V.A.S. are never fake.
When you are true to yourself you are demonstrating the respect you have for yourself, your individuality, uniqueness and independence which will allow others to respect you for whom you are. You can respect others opinions, thoughts and suggestions but you don’t have to conform to them; people will sense that you are a strong, capable individual able to stand up for yourself and your beliefs.

Being True to Yourself does not give you a free pass to be inconsiderate or disrespectful to others, it means you will define who you are and make decisions for yourself.

Food for Thought:
"He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away." Raymond Hull


Stephanie Rogers, MHS is a Sr. Program Administrator for the Rutgers University – CSUCL, Parents Academy. Her passion is working with parents to assist them in improving their skills to better their lives, the lives of their children and the community. She may be reached at slwr66@aol.com.

Think About it Thursdays!!!!! ~ featuring D.I.V.A Rules

Today’s Topic : “Women, why are we targeted to change?”

Doesn’t it seem like when it comes to relationships between men and women that there is a growing market of books that target women to change themselves in order to find her “Knight and Shining Armor”? Well we D.I.V.A. creators felt as if this was the case. It is not to say that there are not any books that target men, but it definitely seems that our society depicts that there is something wrong with the woman. Though some of us do bring unncessary drama and emotional “baggage” to their relationships-what about the man, who may bring distrust or insecurities from a previous relationship.  In no way is this a male-bashing moment, but in order for healthy and beautiful relationships to form amongst our culture why aren’t there more “how-to” and “what-to-do” books about bringing us together and exploring how we can better trust one another via having open, honest, and sincere interactions.

In Hill Harper's book, The Conversation, he introspectively explores many issues concerning men and women and identifies those that tend to create barriers between us.  He argues, to which the title of his book eludes, that honest conversations are the missing link.  We recently had lunch with a male friend and discussed this topic.  He mentioned that as a man he is hesitant to have a no holds bar converation with a black woman in fear of her reaction.  Are we really that defensive or sensitive?  Are we really not ready to have these conversations?  Or is it that we have not been presented with the opportunity?  In order to hold each other accountable we have to call it spade for spade.  If someone is not living up to their end of the deal, we need to be able to tell our significant other without fear of the repurcussion. 

If we have failed one another, according to Hill Harper, why does it still appear that women are strained to look within? Accountability and being conscious of one’s actions and thoughts is powerful for any individual to practice, but it’s not only Black women that are not doing things correctly. Women have been trying to equal the playing field since Women’s Suffrage in the 1900’s. And it appears that with we are still fighting to stay above water. We could be biased, but this how we are experiencing it and what we feel as Black women. What do you think? How has the love experience been for you? How do you see it/feel it?

Work It Out-Wednesday!!!! ~Denisha of D.I.V.A. Rules

I think it’s fitting to have today dedicated to mental/emotional and physical health awareness/education. It’s hump-day and for most of us getting to Wednesday is literally just half the battle when tackling the week.

I truly enjoy the counseling/emotional & social health field, so I will not bog you down with psychological jargon or ambiguous idioms from Freud (the founding Father of Psychoanalytic theory). I would like to introduce, or re-introduce a term that is all too familiar to us, the dreaded-STRESS! Yes, I said it, so let’s address it! You may think that stress is not anything too alarming, and that on a daily basis we encounter it-“so what else is there to know, that I don’t?” Being that we, as women (& men) are not one dimensional, neither is stress. The truth about stress is that it can be positive or negative, and its’ symptoms manifests itself in various ways within us. Before we dive head first into recognizing and understanding the symptoms of stress and possible interventions to get us through efficiently; I want to define the term.

~Stress is simply an automated, biological response that we respond or react to when something occurs around us~

Examples of …..Where Stress is….Positive: If you ever heard of flight or fight, this is where stress can be positive. When we are in possible harm (dodging from getting hit or trying to prevent something harmful from happening), or for those of us who are athletes during a competitive game or practice; our bodies trigger a response. It can even sneak up on us when we have to be a presenter/public speaker...but this is also where tons of energy is released and it can helps us in this area.

Examples of….Where Stress is....Negative: When we gain an increase sense of worry about a job assignment at work/school or a situation that is possibly overwhelming for us initially; exerting ourselves at work or a tasks either mentally, emotionally or physically; or when we feel pressured. Stress can also be relational, where people that we may choose to be around socially/romantically can produce stress in our lives.

*Some of the symptoms of stress are: headaches, breakouts-yikes! Hair loss-ugh!; lack of energy/fatigue; being easily agitated than usual and sickness (emotional/mental breakdown or vomiting and common cold/flu-like signs). *

So how do DIVA’s maintain….

DIVA’s there is no avoiding stress (it’s situational, internal, and environment) we are not made of glass-if you try you will get even more stressed out- Try Educating and Practicing!

• Educating- Do some intrinsic soul-searching & learn about what is causing these symptoms *(some listed above)* and if it’s avoidable or not. Learn more about stress online at: http://www.medincenet.com/ (this site I love, love to find additional info about certain illnesses/symptoms)

• Practicing- find ways that help you clear your head and can produce healthy living, e.g., some ways I de-stress is 1st to Breathe (inhaling & exhaling techniques goes a long way and it can be practiced anywhere and is discreet), to read books/magazines, watch reality T.V., (guilty pleasure-ha), EXERCISE-it’s a great release, and talking/spending time with family or a good friend(s) expressing the issues that I may be going through.

Challenge: Your turn-Educate & Practice…True DIVAs’ don’t tolerate being pressed over stress!

~Peace & Blessings~

*denotes that these are some of the symptoms of stress and there are many more, please consult with your primary care physician if you or someone you know are experiencing any of these symptoms for a period of 3-6 months*

Denisha Warren, M.S. is the co-founder of D.I.V.A. Rules and a Family Systems Specialist for a Elementary School Youth Based Services Program.