by LJ Knight on Monday September 27th 2010"But I’m a Good Woman! Shouldn’t He Be Good To Me???" This is a question women of all races, backgrounds and ages have asked themselves. We think that if we treat our man well and love him with all of our hearts, he will have no other option than to do the same for us. He will want to do right by us. That is what reciprocation is about. The problem here is that most men feel entitled to a good woman and refuse to return the same actions toward her. They do not feel that they have to necessarily be a good guy in order to have a good woman. Here are a few reasons they are convinced they don’t have to modify their behavior.
Is He Ready?
A man has to be mentally ready for accepting a good woman into his life in order to know what to do with her. If he feels like he isn’t ready to be in a relationship with anyone, being open and honest, then there will be issues down the line. You will never feel like he is completely invested in the relationship. So, if he is not ready, then he will refuse to make any adjustments to his behavior. The woman is expected to deal with it and keep it moving. Is that a selfish way of behaving? Hell yes, but that is how a man’s mind works. They are more self-centered than women. So, many of their decisions and behaviors are a reflection of how they determined it will affect them. “What about me?” is a strong principle in their thinking. A woman could be giving the last bit of her energy and soul to him and he will not be cognizant of it because he is not yet ready to receive it.
Is He Capable?
Not every man has the capability of accepting and loving a good woman. Some are far too selfish to give themselves. Others were not taught the skills necessary to love a woman the way she deserves. This could be for several reasons: Perhaps he has a strained relationship with the mother figure in his life, he never had a father figure to teach him how a man should love a woman, or you may be the first woman he has ever come across that truly cared for him so he has no idea how to receive you. Whatever the case, he may not be emotionally capable of giving the love that a good woman deserves.
Strong Sense Of Entitlement
Strong Sense Of Entitlement
Men feel that they are entitled to a good woman regardless of their behavior. Good is how a woman is supposed to be in their minds. She is supposed to be virtuous, understanding and completely accepting of all of the issues and drama that he may come with. It doesn’t matter how he behaves. She is supposed to play her role regardless, because she is a woman. So, no matter how well you treat him, it won’t affect his behavior toward you. In his mind, you are behaving like you should. You are giving of yourself the way a good woman is supposed to. There is nothing significant about that to them.
Grass Is Greener Theory
He might be unable to accurately value her because in his mind, she may not be the cream of the crop. They may know that she is a good girl but also realizes that there are millions of other women in the world. One of these millions of women might be better than the good girl in some capacity. Thinking like this is what makes a man unable to reciprocate the love that their woman gives them. With that being said, they have to leave their options open just in case they come across something better. Of course that does not always mean he will leave her to go test the waters. Some men might cheat or just drag her along without any real commitment. These thoughts make it impossible for him to be good no matter how loving his woman is.
Be Careful What You Ask For
He may think that he wants a good woman because he thinks he is supposed to. However, he may have no idea what to do with her or how to treat her. More importantly, he has no clue how to love her. So, he wants what he is not necessarily mature enough to handle and accept. He wants a blessing but has no idea what to do with it. Unfortunately, some people ask for blessings when they are not necessarily ready for them mentally. They receive that blessing and have no idea what to do with it or how to maintain it. So, they lose it. That is what happens when you ask for things you are not ready for.
From my humble judgment the science of mating is a lost science particularly in the Black community. Lost! But it can and must be recovered. :) When we do not know how to pick a mate, we resort to pop culture and misunderstood scripture. It is sad to see good women and men going through what they go through today due to this science not being taught. To answer what could be seen as a rhetorical question [the blog title], Yes, he should be good to you IF you picked the right one. A man can be good but not good for you. We have to know more about ourselves to properly understand what we require on a deeper, more substantive level. Many women think of a requirement as “independent”, “stable”, or “educated”. How about “dynamic problem solver”? I imagine this kind of phrase just sent the conversation into a new realm where we begin to journey into this man’s genetic makeup. We don’t just choose a mate for ourselves. We choose one for our children and future as well. Start studying the science of mating and a better world of relationships awaits.
ReplyDeleteI took a Human Sexauality class in college and the topic of mating has a sleuth of publications and science definitely is the infinite factor in relationships among people ( & applies to the rules of attraction)
ReplyDelete